if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
