Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
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