I got chris browned last night
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
