Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
