YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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