he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Randomize
