I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
