pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
