I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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