i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
