i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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