some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
