Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
porn star boner night. come get it.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
