just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
