hell yes lets make some ravioli
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
