So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
