I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
