Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
