dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
