The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
