You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
