I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
