So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
