WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
