I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
