my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
