Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
