Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I enjoy the company of your penis
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
