38 yer olds are good kisserssss
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
