Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
