I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
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