Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
