I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Randomize
