Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
