If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
