Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
