They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
