we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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