Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I lost the right to judge tonight
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
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