I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
