Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
