in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
