i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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