i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
