I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
