Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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