You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
