I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
