i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
