Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
