Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
