Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
