he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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