Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
