walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
